Aidan And The F-Word
Aidan: What’s the F-word Mama?
Marjet: Ask Papa. [Close escape look of relief on her face]
Me: You don’t need to know what the F-word is Aidan. [Worried look on face – knowing that no matter how this is handled it will inevitably end in disaster]
Aidan: But everybody knows what the F-word is except me and I’m six now!
Marjet: [Hides laugh with coughing sound]
Me: [Stern glance at Marjet] You’re not allowed to use dirty words and should just stay away from people using dirty words Aidan.
Aidan: But how will I know if they are using the dirty F-word if I don’t know what it is? […Sob]
Marjet: Good point… [Trying not to smile]
Me: Okay Aidan, come and sit down with Mama and me.
[All single file into room and close door… open door again and wait for Astrid to exit… all sit down in silence]
Aidan: [Expectant look]
Marjet: [Trying to keep a straight face]
Astrid: [Little face peeping through outside window]
Me: Ahem… [Stern expression]
Aidan: Are you going to tell me what the F-word is? [With a monumental look of expectation and excitement on his face]
Marjet: [Covers her face with her hands and makes choking sound]
Me: Yes Aidan. The F-word is **** and you are not allowed to use it and if you hear anyone using it you walk away.
Aidan: [Silence… confused look on his face]
Marjet: [Waiting for Aidan to say something]
Me: [Waiting for Aidan to say something]
Aidan: That’s it? [Looks at Marjet then looks at me]
Marjet: Yes [Looks at me]
Me: [Looking at Marjet, then Aidan and then frowning through window at Astrid who vanishes]
[All leave room, with Aidan still looking confused and disappointed with the uninteresting sounding mega-ddirty word, and carry on as usual…]
Two Days Later In The Car…
Aidan: I can’t remember what the F-word is!
Marjet: [Puts face in hands again]
Me: You will recognize it if you hear it and can walk away Aidan.
Aidan: [Quiet weeping…]
Marjet: [Tortured sounds coming from behind hands]
Me: No need to cry my boy, you would remember it if it was important!
Aidan: Is it “Dush”?
Marjet: [Gurgling sound from behind hands]
Me: No, it is not “Dush” my boy.
Aidan [Quiet sob]
A Day Later On A Crowded Amsterdam Tram…
[Aidan has been unusually quiet and pensive for 24 hours]
Aidan: ****! [Shouted at the top of his voice with a huge smile on his face]
Tram Passengers: [Varied looks of shock, accusation and disgust]
Marjet: [Frozen look of horror – turns red with embarassment]
Me: Aidan! [Entire tram looks accusingly at me]
Astrid: [Falls down laughing]
[Whole family flees tram at next stop – no ice-cream for Aidan who doesn’t care because now he can remember the F-word]